You are *such* a mama!

So apparently, there is something about having three kids that all of a sudden puts us into some kind of “special” parenting category. I realize that we’re outside the norm by having more than 1.8 children but you would think, from some of the comments and looks that people have given us, that we have eight or nine or even twelve children. (And if it weren’t for the fact that I didn’t start having babies until I was 30 and I have to be operated on to get my babies out… well… )

The most surprising place that I have seen this reaction: The Public Library. On the day when they have children’s story hour. Go figure. It happened one day when I was (hugely) pregnant with Sarah and had Abby and Nathan in tow. We were checking out, and I always try to let them be as involved in things as possible, so I let Abby scan in the books that she was borrowing. The lady behind us was sighing (loudly), crossing her arms and looking around impatiently. Finally she stomped over to another terminal. Now I realize that we were not going as fast as say, the drive-thru at McDonald’s, but if you want my children to grow up with self confidence and the knowledge of how things work, then please let me train them to do things for themselves. (This is undoubtedly the same kind of person who complains that “kids these days are incompetent and can’t do anything for themselves!”)

When I announced my third pregnancy at work one of my co-workers said, “Wow, Julie. How many kids do you want, anyway?” (As if having more than two children was akin to having more than one head growing out of my neck.) Other folks often say “Oh, you’re so brave!” but you know from the tone in their voice that what they really mean is “Oh, you’re crazy! Why would you want that many kids?!”

There seems to also be the sentiment that having three or more children means that you will get so wrapped up in their lives that you don’t have a life of your own. There also seems to be a fear that you won’t be able to provide life’s “good things” if you have lots of kids. (Just for the record, I do not consider three to be “LOTS”. I know and love many families who DO have lots of kids and I have to say, those are some of the most delightful children I have ever been around.)

I’d like to address both of those things.

First – On not having a life “of my own.” No matter if you have one child or several children your life will (or at least it SHOULD) change. You now have a tiny new little person depending totally on you to sustain it. You are raising the next generation – That’s important stuff! One of the blessings of having children is that you have an opportunity to learn in a real and tangible way that it is indeed more blessed to give than to receive. Giving up some of your old luxuries for the delight of the love of a child is a no-brainer. (And if you are under any illusions that your life is really yours to begin with, that’s something that you should probably do some serious introspection about. I’m just sayin’.) Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy getting out for a good massage or to get my hair cut and an uninterrupted conversation with my husband is indeed a rare treat but IN NO WAY do I feel like I have “lost myself” because I had children. Quite the contrary, I have found myself and my calling.

Second – On not being able to “provide” for many children. It is our perspective that the greatest thing that we give to our children is love and even more importantly, a love for Christ. It’s our job to help them open the doorway of their hearts when He calls. We want to do that for as many children as God will allow us the privilege! On my wall I have photos of the kids and of Bruce and I and there’s a phrase stenciled around them that says, “The best things in life are not things.” I want to live that. I want to impart that to my children. THAT IS NOT AN EASY TASK! I like things! They’re neat! And fun! And cool! But they do not satisfy the soul. We have a nice house in a nice neighborhood and I am thankful for that. We are blessed with great flexible jobs that allow us to do fun things and eat healthy food and buy nice mattresses to sleep on and I am thankful for that. We also wear hand me down clothes, drive used cars that we paid cash for, and we have not taken a vacation outside of our state since having children. But nevertheless, WE ARE THANKFUL and we hope to impart that to them as well – no matter how much or how little we have, we are thankful. As far as provision is concerned, that’s not really our job anyway.

So about the title of this post. The other day I ventured out with all three of them to a little strip mall. Since we had a few different places to go, we decided to walk from store to store instead of driving over to the other section’s parking lot.

First, we went into Staples. Then to the post office. Then we made a stop at Baskin Robbins (before lunch – bad mama, I know!) We crossed to the other section where we went to Petco (to look at the “PISHIES!”), the Dollar Tree and finally, lunch at a little Mexican Restaurant. I had Sarah in the sling and the other two were walking, staying close to me and holding each other’s hands. One lady passed by and said the common “You’ve got your hands full, don’t you!” (Which is actually funny considering my hands were totally free!) Another woman said, “I bet they keep you busy!” and finally the odd comment: “You are SUCH a mama!” I’ve pondered that comment over and over since it was uttered. Doesn’t it seem to be missing an adjective? (I mean, shouldn’t she have said, “You are such a {insert something here} mama!” I do believe that it was meant it in a kind way and not in a negative one as described above but still, it seemed an unusual compliment.

I did receive a nice surprise, however, while we were eating. I had Sarah in my lap nursing her (covered up in the sling for the faint of heart) and Abby was sitting next to me in the booth. Nathan was in the high chair and I was feeding him rice, helping Abby eat her taco and praying that nobody tipped over their lemonade. As we were finishing up, a woman stopped at our table. I was ready for another, “Don’t you know how that happens?!” but instead, this gentle lady said “You have such a lovely family. Thank you for raising children that are a pleasure to eat in a restaurant with.” As you can imagine, I was pleasantly surprised and thanked her for her kindness.

Some final thoughts: Most moms I know are constantly second guessing themselves and their abilities. We are constantly evaluating if what we’re doing is the “best” thing for our children. We don’t really need to hear negativity from outside sources. If you are moved to give a mom you know (or one you don’t) any kind of unsolicited comment, try making it a nice one.

Why don’t you make a point this week to tell someone what a {insert nice adjective here} mama she is!

EDIT! I just had to come back and add this. Today as I was walking home from the pool with all 3 kids (Sarah was in her bouncy seat in the wagon, Nathan was riding in there too and Abby was pulling it across the street with me) a lady STOPPED HER CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD to ask me` the ages of the kids. After she was finished being SO FLABBERGASTED that I had THREE CHILDREN she drove away and shouted “Well, God Bless You, Honey” out her window as she sped off. Really? I mean I appreciate the blessing, I sincerely do, but since when does having three children qualify as an event huge enough to stop traffic?

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